The same is true of us, Moms. We have a choice with our words, a choice to make them positive or negative. I realize how easy it is to get our defaults set to "NO!" That word forms on our lips even before we've heard the whole question sometimes. It makes perfect sense when you've had to answer questions like, "Can we gel the dog's hair?" "Can I put my brother in this massive tractor tire and roll him down the hill?" "Do you want to see how high I can bounce the guinea pig on the trampoline?" What Mom isn't trained to default to "No" with questions like that?
There are so many things I know we have to say "no" to for the safety of our kids and out of common sense. I'm trying to think before I say "no" these days though, and only say it if there's no way to say "yes." I have an upswing at the end of my signature, I want to have an upswing in my Mom-ming too!
Even when we have to say "no" we have a choice about how we say it. I've found a little trick that makes it easy-peasy to say "yes" more often and keep a smile on my face.
Have you heard the term, "There are two sides to every coin?" Well, there are also two sides to every instruction you give your children. You can state the same information in the negative or in the positive. Practice this:
"No, you may not go outside."
"Yes, you may go outside as soon as nap-time is done!"
"No, you can't have that candy."
"Yes! Let's have that candy for dessert after we eat our healthy lunch!"
"No, you may not smear the mashed potatoes on your face!"
"Yes, you can smear something on your face, let's try this lotion!"
"No, you can't wear your pajamas to church."
"Yes, those pajamas look super comfy. Let's lay them here on your bed so they're ready for you when you get home!"
Get the idea? Amp up your creative juices and find ways to turn your "no's" into "yes's!" You and your child will both smile more, I promise!
"Yes's" just feel better, on the lips and on the ears. I've heard this magical phenomenon described as the "Yes Spiral" in marriage books, but it works the same in parenting. Each time we say "no" the emotional spiral gets smaller and smaller and the feelings tighter and tighter. The opposite happens when we say "yes" to each other. Our emotions open up and the spiral gets wider and wider. The wider it gets the easier it feels for both people in the relationship to say spontaneous "Yes's!"
Be a "Yes Momma" today! You want to be a positive person who's raising positive people! Let's practice adding a flourish to our lives instead of the angry eyebrows of a default "No." Your "Yes" can be the upswing on the signature of your life, something that leaves your kids smiling as they scamper off to obey!