The house is quiet and all I can think about is how crazy I am about you guys and how much I want to be better for you. Being your mom is, hands down, the thing about my life that makes me feel the most like I'm working hand in hand with God to do something massively important. It is my life's work and my life's love. Belonging to you is something I always dreamed of.
Funny thing, I'm finding today that there are more things I'm wondering about and feeling uncertain about than ever before. Part of that is the change and shift that comes with new roles, ages and stages, needs changing - just life. Part of it is also my age and experience. Twenty one years of being a mom hasn't taken me to a spot where I feel certain that I have it all figured out. Instead it's highlighted how many things I still have to learn.
Today I'm ok with the uncertainty and the shifting and I hope you are too. We've got a couple solid rocks to stand on that will hold us up together no matter what else swirls around us. Here's what you need to never forget is eternally sure:
1. Your Momma is absolutely, undeniably crazy about you - all NINE of you! I have a feeling you know that tears are streaming down my face right now and I'm glad I'm alone in the kitchen for the ugly cry that happens when I think about how great you guys are. I am absolutely awed by what I see in you people and feel overwhelmed that God let me be the one you call Mom. When I dreamed about having kids, my dreams were never this good (or this BIG!) You are people I imagined pointing out to my kids as examples and mentors. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make my heart swell with pride and you make me overwhelmed with God's goodness. I really, really like you guys. You are my favorite people on earth.
2. I'm not perfect, in fact I've collected a large memory base of "Mom Screw Up Moments" in my mind. There are times when, as I'm saying something, my insides are screaming "Abort, Abort!" but I can't find a ways to turn the ship around. There have been a million nights I've sat by your bed with regret and considered waking you up so I can have a re-do. And even worse than the screw-ups is that I know I haven't apologized for nearly as many of them as I should have. I'm stubborn and I'm proud.
BUT, and this is a big but, I know something that is more important than my screw-ups. I know that God made me your mom on purpose and I know He is much more powerful in your life than I am. I am going to continue to offer you the best that I have, knowing that it contains many more screw-up moments to come, and trust His power. He will cover my mistakes sometimes. Other times He will allow my mistakes to hurt you and then bring beauty from the ashes of your pain that will make you grow. He is strong enough and good enough to take the tiny little offering in my Mom hands and make it be exactly what you need each day. I'm going to keep offering and trusting Him - you should too. You are safe - not because I'm good enough, but because Jesus is.
3. Here's something else I know for drop-dead sure. Focusing on a few, wildly important things, will build an amazing life. These are the life lessons we can't faint on, that we must hold dear and get a little closer to every day.
Funny thing, I'm finding today that there are more things I'm wondering about and feeling uncertain about than ever before. Part of that is the change and shift that comes with new roles, ages and stages, needs changing - just life. Part of it is also my age and experience. Twenty one years of being a mom hasn't taken me to a spot where I feel certain that I have it all figured out. Instead it's highlighted how many things I still have to learn.
Today I'm ok with the uncertainty and the shifting and I hope you are too. We've got a couple solid rocks to stand on that will hold us up together no matter what else swirls around us. Here's what you need to never forget is eternally sure:
1. Your Momma is absolutely, undeniably crazy about you - all NINE of you! I have a feeling you know that tears are streaming down my face right now and I'm glad I'm alone in the kitchen for the ugly cry that happens when I think about how great you guys are. I am absolutely awed by what I see in you people and feel overwhelmed that God let me be the one you call Mom. When I dreamed about having kids, my dreams were never this good (or this BIG!) You are people I imagined pointing out to my kids as examples and mentors. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you make my heart swell with pride and you make me overwhelmed with God's goodness. I really, really like you guys. You are my favorite people on earth.
2. I'm not perfect, in fact I've collected a large memory base of "Mom Screw Up Moments" in my mind. There are times when, as I'm saying something, my insides are screaming "Abort, Abort!" but I can't find a ways to turn the ship around. There have been a million nights I've sat by your bed with regret and considered waking you up so I can have a re-do. And even worse than the screw-ups is that I know I haven't apologized for nearly as many of them as I should have. I'm stubborn and I'm proud.
BUT, and this is a big but, I know something that is more important than my screw-ups. I know that God made me your mom on purpose and I know He is much more powerful in your life than I am. I am going to continue to offer you the best that I have, knowing that it contains many more screw-up moments to come, and trust His power. He will cover my mistakes sometimes. Other times He will allow my mistakes to hurt you and then bring beauty from the ashes of your pain that will make you grow. He is strong enough and good enough to take the tiny little offering in my Mom hands and make it be exactly what you need each day. I'm going to keep offering and trusting Him - you should too. You are safe - not because I'm good enough, but because Jesus is.
3. Here's something else I know for drop-dead sure. Focusing on a few, wildly important things, will build an amazing life. These are the life lessons we can't faint on, that we must hold dear and get a little closer to every day.
**Love Jesus - He is more crazy about you than I am and so much stronger. He can be trusted. Teach your heart to trust Him implicitly. This is the most important thing about you.
**Be Brave - The life stretching out in front of you is something that should make your heart beat with adrenaline-laced adventure, not fear. God made you for this - be who He's made and offer it to the world with your arms flung wide. You might get hurt along the way and that's ok. You are strong enough to bear it and the adventure is worth it.
**Be Kind - This matters so much. Be kind, be kind, be kind. A kind person pleases the heart of God. A kind person lives a happy life and makes every place they are better. Be kind.
I just want you Florida kids to know, deep inside today, what a treasure you are to me. I look at you and know that you are such better people than I could have made you. You guys made me a Mom which is a supremely satisfying title. I'm so glad we are connected forever that way. Being yours makes me happy today!
Hi Lori, Thank you for your loving, Godly, truth-filled, humble words that you shared with your children but allowed us to "listen" in on. I've only known you a week but I feel as though it has been longer. I pray that the Lord allows our paths to cross again. Your sister in Christ, Julie
ReplyDeleteWonderful post.Thank you so much for sharing this post.
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