Skip to main content

Floodgates & A Big Paid Bill

I've been in a perpetual state of "on the verge of tears" for the past year.  It's my new normal...and I really like it.  Well, I don't like the "cotton behind my eyes swollen headache" feeling that always comes with it.  But I do like the "I am so in love with and in awe of this God who's doing stuff that my heart might burst" feeling that gets left behind with the headache. 

Here's some of the moments over the last week that have made my girls ask me if I'm ok...

  • One afternoon I got a text on the way to pick up my girls from school.  It was a friend asking me if I was there yet....  I wasn't and wondered what reason for meeting up with her I was forgetting.  As I parked, she ran up to my window with a paper envelope and a fabric envelope, one from her son and one from her.  She gave me a smooch on the cheek, ran back to her car and pulled out of the lot before I got the envelopes open.  The paper one contained cash and a note that read, "Dear Florida family, My brother and our mom went to Meijer to put our pop cans in.  After we got the money from the pop cans I asked my mom if we could give it to you for the baby.  So here it is."  That's dripping with junior high boy tender-heartedness and primed my tear ducts for action.  The fabric envelope turned them on full force.  It contained a gold bracelet and necklace and a note that said, "Lori, It's gold.  Sell it.  Use the $ to bring that sweet baby(ies) home.  Love you...."  I had to text her back right away to tell her a story.  Our texting convo went something like this:  "Me:  Oh. My. Goodness.  Are you really that connected to God?  I heard a commercial on the radio this morning about selling gold and wished I had some to sell for our baby.  I'm gonna cry.  Her:  Don't cry.  That's crazy!  How sweet of God!  I went to bed last night crying to God that I wanted to find a way to help even though our business has been slow and He woke me up saying, 'You've got gold girl!'  Me:  I'll cry if I want to!  It's not a family heirloom is it?  Her:  Family heirlooms are over-rated....."  We used up a bunch of texts as she told me that the bracelet had been a gift from her parents on her wedding day and she was so thankful to God for the gift of a way to help.  I don't even know what to say to that....

  • Last weekend I was able to have the pulpit for a solid hour at the Lake Ann Camp Ladies Retreat.  If you remember how this all got started, much of it came from the way God breathed life back into my tired, dry heart last year at this very retreat.  This year they asked me to do a workshop to tell my story, from then to now - what God's done.  It was so cool to get a bird's eye view of my own life - to see a year of God's fingerprints in a boiled down 1 hour format.  As the hour wrapped up and the ladies started to get up from their seats, a few turned my way instead of toward the door.  These sweet ladies were so encouraging to me.  They told me stories of God working in their lives, of adoption and experiences in Africa and one lady pulled out her checkbook and started writing.  As I assured her that donations were not my intention but instead God's glory, she kept writing and assured me that God had told her to give it.  Another $100 closer....

  • A friend at church slipped an envelope into hands Sunday morning at church.  I thanked her for it and put it in my Bible and forgot about it until we got home and my sister reminded me.  A sweet note and another $100 closer....

  • My sister and her family pulled a tear-jerker on me right out in the middle of our busy church parking lot the same Sunday morning.  They got our whole family to come out to their car with them and unveiled their garage sale bounty.  Their car was decorated with the posters that had been up at their sale surrounding a pickle jar jammed full of money.  The posters had drawings of Africa and baby footprints on them and said, "Change the world one orphan at a time" and "Help us bring our new cousin home!" 3 garage sale weekends plus a whole lot of kind-hearted neighbors gave them a $1,417.13 pickle jar!  That took a HUGE bite out of the reminder of this bill - put us so close we could taste it!  I've got a running list in my head of all the things their family could have done with that money - they have needs too - but they chose to give it to our baby instead.  Amazing, once again I'm in awe of God and the people who listen to Him. 

  • Monday, as we were getting ready for dinner, there came a little knock at our door.  I called Izzie & Chloe to answer it because I've learned to recognize the knock of my friend's daughter.  We became neighbors as well as friends when we moved into this house and have enjoyed an easy sharing of kids for the past few years.  This time, though, she didn't just come for my daughters.  She came like the wise men, bearing gifts, with a decorated jar in hand. The jar was full of her savings...for my baby.  Apparently 10 year olds are hearing God speak about tears!

  • Last Thursday night I realized the adoption account was pretty darn close to the remaining amount of our bill.  We were close enough that our regular budget could kick in the remainder and get it done!  So I wrote a check (actually, did an online bill-pay, but that just doesn't write as well, does it?!) for the rest!  The first big bill is PAID!!!Now, when the account builds up to $875 we'll be petitioning the State Department for permission to immigrate.  Action will happen, a thing will get checked off the list that will put us closer to our little African Florida person!

But it's more than the "stuff" God's doing.  It's just Him.  I am being left in awe every day.  Years ago I wanted to be a writer but felt like I didn't have anything worthwhile to say.  This year of feeling God re-hydrate my heart and give me a front row seat to watch him be BIG has turned that feeling upside down.  Now I'm writing blog posts in my head every day, I've got more to say than I can.  The "empty page" syndrome I get now freezes my brain because I can't figure out where to go first or how to put all the swirling thoughts together rather than wondering what I should write about. 

And it's that other stuff, the things going on between me and God in my heart, that will have to wait till the next post.  I've got a lot more stories to tell, just from this past week, and I don't want to forget any of them.  The way God's making my heart swell, giving me glimpse after glimpse of Him, connecting the dots in my brain and leaving me breathless - it's good stuff friends and I want to tell you everything!!  Keep watching - very soon, the next time I find a few quiet moments strung together,  I'll tell you about taking LEAPS and how I'm becoming an adrenaline junkie!!  Until then....what glimpses of Himself has God been giving you?  Do share.....I could use another reason to cry!


  1. well your posts are always tear jerkers for me Lori! Love you so much!

  2. Oh my, this post warmed my heart today!! Thank you for this!


Post a Comment

I'd love to hear what you think!

Popular posts from this blog

What You Need, When You Need It - The Glorious Table

We ate steak at the fanciest place in town, me and my sister, our husbands, and our parents. Around the table, we joined Mom’s reminiscing. We retold our favorite stories of family vacations and holidays. We revealed some silly childhood secrets. And we listened to Mom’s stories from fifty years she and Dad spent together. One of our favorite stories is of the birthday Mom expected a diamond ring but went home from their swanky dinner with a shiny new set of hot rollers. Whenever Mom tells that story, instead of making fun of Dad for his slow-moving ways, she praises his serious, methodical decision making. She points to it as proof of his dependability. My mom told stories. I told stories. My sister told stories. Even our husbands had memories to share. We retold some of the stories Dad put on paper in his journal for us. The thing we missed most was Dad’s voice in the storytelling. Rather than telling the stories himself, he locked eyes on the teller and responded, “By golly, that ha

How to Be OK When You’re in a Funk - The Glorious Table

My favorite jeans are starting to cut into my waist in an uncomfortable way. The grocery order keeps getting delayed when we’re already out of milk. The dog has gotten into the trash again. My kids carry individual sadnesses I can’t fix for them. It’s rainy and cold. My hip aches at night sometimes. People I thought were dependable turn out not to be. I’ve turned out to be not as dependable as I thought I was. My dad is sick. I suddenly need reading glasses for the fine print. It’s impossible to predict which of these disappointments will have the power to push me into a full-on funk. I have days that feel so full of hope and possibility that I have the juice to face the big stuff with faith and trust. Other days start out already negative, so even good things feel bad. Funks and feelings don’t submit to the scientific method. They often multiply uncertainties and disappointments until the weight of dark clouds feels too heavy for my one set of shoulders to bear. I have a feeling that

Fear - You're Not the Boss of Me Anymore! - Part 1

I had a recurring nightmare as a child. It woke me in the middle of the night and kept me awake worrying about whether it would fill my mind as soon as I closed my eyes. I thought I would outgrow it. I hoped my adult brain would be able to see things my child’s brain couldn’t and I would be free. Instead, a panicky fear of my Dad dying followed me into marriage and parenting. I’m 49 years old and until recently, the nightmare still showed up in various forms. This year my beloved Daddy died. I watched him take his last breath in front of me and imagined him arriving with the next in heaven. My whole life I’ve been clenched up around the fear that watching him die might break something inside of me and I couldn’t survive.  It didn’t happen. I’m more okay than I ever thought possible. My dad isn’t living anymore, he’s not here on earth for me to talk to or touch and I’m sitting upright and in my right mind. Today I’m amazed at my okayness. Finally being free of this fear I’ve lived with